It’s January, and for those of you who do not know, this means boat show time in San Antonio. I see the signs around town. They advertise this event, and like the swallows flying back to Capistrano, I find myself drawn to the Alamodome every year to meander past the plethora of watercraft that I can not begin to afford. That is not yet! I add this, so you don’t think I’ve given up on my dream. That dream is to go from driving, that’s right, I did say driving. (That is how I talked in my landlubber days) a small rubber raft dinghy, to piloting, (good nautical term) my own luxury yacht on the open ocean.

In my many excursions to the boat show, I have heard a lot of rhetoric emanating from the various vendors. I myself have even spouted some of this verbiage; mostly in a valiant effort to convince my significant other that a boat is really a great investment (Insert belly laughs here) I wondered what if ala Jim Carrey in the movie Liar-Liar all vendors at the boat show had to tell the truth for one day. I think that would prove interesting. I have come up with a few clichés you probably would hear that day, but more than likely will never hear again at a boat show.

• "It’s free.
• "This one here is known as the Yugo of boats."
• "Sure, hop on. Feel free to push all the buttons."
• "Maybe you should look at something a little less expensive. We wouldn’t want you to over-extend yourself."
• "How the hell should I know how the Jet Ski turns? I only sell ‘em. You’d never actually catch me on the back of one of these suicide-sleds."
• "Of course it’s uncomfortable. ALL boat beds are uncomfortable."
• "Don’t sign anything now. First go home and discuss it with your wife."
• "Why don’t you have your four kids hop in and have a look around?"
• "Sir, after seeing you and your wife, I recommend the trim-tab option."
• "The truth is... they ALL break down constantly."
• "If you’re buying a boat hoping to get yourself a date, trust me, you haven’t got enough money."
• "This little honey was named ‘Boat of the Year’ by the National Towing Association."
• "Actually, they depreciate very rapidly. The reason they’re marked so high is so that I can get my commission."
• "I once saw a kid bounce out of one of these and fly a full sixty feet."
• "Sure it’s ugly, but so was the Mayflower."

I don’t know if this would take away the fun of the boat show or not? That’s a great question. It would be an interesting experiment however. All I know is as they say “come Hell or high water” (High Water? A rare occurrence at Canyon Lake lately) you will catch me at the lake and at the boat show again this year. And to you professional boat sales people, I say go ahead and fuel my dreams with your high octane extravagant vernacular. I look at it this way, what’s life without big dreams and nice people to perpetuate them?

Boating’s still good in the winter,
Barry